In conversations that I have with people, my students, the word ‘trust’ is often mentioned. The
question is often raised whether I am to be trusted. They want a guarantee that nothing will happen when they deliver themselves to me, when they trust me. At that point I feel a huge inability because I can not repair what has gone wrong in their lives. I can not repair what was damaged when they were young children, I can not repair what they carry in their genes.
I am challenged time and again, each time I have to deal with the fear of trusting, a fear projected in both negative and positive images. In the course of my own development and experience I have learned to deal with it. I no longer feel the need to hide behind my acquired skills but instead I can confide in them what my feelings are. There is no need to defend myself, the idea that maybe I am not what is so longed for. I can assure them that nevertheless my intentions are good.
Once I have worked through the pain of my own hurt I can let go of false assurances, I can take the
natural goodness within myself as a starting point. That natural goodness is a kindness that takes shape in everything and everyone involved in my life. Generally I am a kind person who can stop and start anew when things have gone ‘wrong’. I am a practitioner.
I can not repair what has been damaged in the lives of my students, I can not abate their distrust. I am not the person they long for so dearly but I can show them how I do it. How I learned to live with kindness as my foundation. I can invite them to gather courage to do this as well, together with me. I can teach them how to practise.
I am not their counsellor, (not any more), I have become a friend. I help them by living together
lovingly and by showing them how it is done.
